Thursday, October 1, 2015

Tangled Talk #05: In which I'm having an existential crisis...

Okay so...maybe I'm exaggerating. Just a bit...

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I just can't seem to shake this bookish/blogging funk.

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If you've been around here on a Sunday and seen some of my weekly hauls then you've probably chuckled at me as well and shook your head as I, yet again, week after week, load myself up with ARCs. Most especially from Entangled. 

It's like this lack of impulse control. I see the pretty shiny object and I want to get my hands on it.

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Sure every month I complain, mostly to myself, about how I "request too many ARCs" "my pile is too huge" "I'm never gonna read any me books" and so on. But does that stop me?

The thing is though, I know that I always have something to read. The choice is out of my hands. Those books need to get done in a timely manner. My decision is made for me. 


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See recently I've put myself on this ban, well unless it's a series I'm already into or an author that I already adore and love their work...I've banned myself from requesting ARCs. I've actually been following through and I've had this massive freedom and weight lifted off my shoulders.

Or so I thought...

I've discovered when I have the free time to read whatever the hell I want...I'm overwhelmed with all the decisions I could make.

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My shelves are filled with unread books. My Kindle is filled with unread books for that matter. And I'd say 80% of them I desperately want to read. The rest are just "I'll read them when I get to them" types of books.

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So the past couple of weeks, when I should've been enjoying my freedom and going crazy, I've found myself, instead of turning to any of those books I've been wanting to read for months, years even, I go to an easy and comfortable decision. I pick up one of the 8 books I have left in my ARC pile that aren't even releasing until the end of October and the 2nd week in November.

Or I don't even pick up a book at all. I'll binge watch a show or play apps on my Kindle or anything but read.


So I don't have to choose? Is it that I've been waiting for the majority of these for so long that I fear I'll end up being disappointed?

And don't even get me started on blogging.

Half of the time I feel as if it's ruined books for me the other half I'm not sure what to do with myself without it.

I put more pressure on myself to finish a book, even when I'm clearly not enjoying it, ever since I started blogging. 

Or you know that feeling after you've finished a really great book? That bubble of bliss that surrounds you and you want to wallow in? It quickly gets dashed with the pressure of "Oh crap now I need to come up with a review." Like this feeling of obligation that fills me with dread and has been giving me a huge block lately.

And then I feel as if all I'm ever doing is saying the same exact thing when I both love a book or hate it. My reviews are all starting to meld together.

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But I love blogging and I don't want to stop.

I guess sometimes I want to read a book and then just not give a fuck about anything else. No pressure. Self imposed or otherwise.

Like right now. I had sat here at the computer because I was suddenly like, "Oh hey it's officially October. Maybe I should do my September wrap up post! Yeah!" and then I actually opened blogger and just started feeling blah about the whole process. 

And then this post started happening.

Nothing like a little freak out among friends. Am I right?

So maybe my monthly recap post will go up tomorrow. Or the next day.

Maybe, hopefully, soon I'll pull my head out of my overwhelmed, bookishly-existential ass and reach for something that's been on my TBR for way too long.

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It sucks being overwhelmed. It sucks being in a funk. But I guess we all go through them at times. I guess I just feel like every time I climb my way out of one I get knocked back in a couple months later. Sigh. 

How do you handle these times of funk and pressure? I'm not necessarily looking for advice. I guess truly I just wanted to share my current struggle and the thoughts swarming around in my head in case anyone else is feeling it so they're not feeling so alone in their tiny freak out.

Well I'm gonna go make my way to the end of my ARC pile so that I have no more procrastination or safety net and then execute my plan to defunk my funk! Thanks for putting up with my rambly ranty post if you've made it this far. I adore you!

Happy October lovelies!!

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